feelings

Yeah, I know it’s been awhile. I am just a busy little bee buzzing around my house trying to get it all spick and span before the kiddies get home from my mom’s.

So, no time for small talk, I’ll chitty chat about Christmas stuff later. I need to dive in deep.

My feelings got hurt today. I don’t consider myself an overly sensitive person, with regards to being offended, but it happened – they got hurt. This person who did the offense is a repeat offender to me. As I was scrubbing my toilet, (seriously) I got frustrated at myself. Why do I allow this person to affect me? I mean come on big girl. Get over it and act as if ya really don’t care. – That was my little pep talk I kept repeating to myself.

But then you know, I got a nudge from the one – you know He aims straight at your heart. At first I ignored it. My “hurty feelings” felt comfortable and I was in some sick was enjoying reminiscing of all the times I had been hurt by this individual. Next thing ya know, I feel prideful and these words repeated again and again in my head “How could someone be so mean at times and so selfish!” Then that nudge came back. Harder this time.

I began to think and revisit a lesson I have to learn over and over again – I bet I have really hurt a slew of people with my words … lack of works and actions. Would I want someone to keep hanging it over my head, especially if I had ZERO clue I hurt them? No … of course I wouldn’t. “Let it go”, I tell myself. It still hurts, but that’s life. Living is messy. I am going to get hurt again and I am 100% sure I’ll unintentionally and at times purposefully hurt someone else too.

You know, (side track) it always amazes me when we watch reality shows, how quickly people bond, hug and you know – build relationships. Complete strangers all together – the basic human needs of relating scream out. I know that is how God made us. He desires a relationship with us. We all need peeps. That’s why we can so easily get hurt. This huge need we have for others makes us vulnerable. I am so thankful for grace. Grace first from God that he repeatedly extends to me. I am thankful He prompts me and supplies the grace I need to extend to other people.

So, am I over it? No, not completely. Am I wallowing in it? Well – no, that is done. Will I revisit it again? Yeah, I probably will. But I am confident that each time will give me a chance to exercise grace, until it doesn’t hurt anymore. Maybe that will be the next time, maybe it will on the 15th, who knows? I am just not going to choose to keep that grudge and I hope whoever I offend, will extend the same pardon to me.

so full … completely stuffed

It’s been a wonderful Christmas. We’ve been so busy this past week that I haven’t had any time to blog. We’ve seen LOTS of family, given and received LOTS of hugs and love and eaten SO much food. In fact I am absolutely miserable as I sit and type this b/c I have eaten so much good food.

My heart, head and tummy is full full full. I am one blessed girl.

Merry Christmas.

what it is really all about

As I went to tuck in my middle child tonight, this is how I found her – laying in her bed and “relaxing” (that is what she called it) by staring at the Play Mobil manger scene. She then proceeded to tell me …

Mommy, sometimes I get right beside it and pray. I thank God for (she list all our close family members). I thank Him for my Christmas play that I am in. I thank him for making me a good singer. I thank him for everything.

I snuggled up close to her and closed my eyes. She rubbed her soft cheeks on mine and whispered “I am so glad God made me.”

Precious. How delighted is He that she loves herself and is so thankful to Him for all that He has blessed her with. How precious it is that she finds such joy staring at the plastic baby Jesus. How beautiful it is God humbled himself to come in human form to save us from our “bad choices” (that’s what we can sin in our house).

Thank you Jesus.

Merry Christmas.

fourth folder, fourth picture

While catching up on some blogs tonight, I came across a post here. She posted a picture that she found while following these rules …

1. Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer

2. Select the 4th picture in the folder

3. Explain the picture

My first thought was nah. But then I got curious as to what I might pull up. Here it is and it’s one I just LOVE.

What I first think and feel when I see this:

Freedom – to be a kid and to run and just be so uninhibited.
Sad – these were our first friends when we moved to our new town. I loved these kids. The mom was so funny and I always had a blast with her. After a short while she just kinda stopped calling and stopped returning my calls. It happens. I can’t be bitter. I am sure I have done the same to others, never meaning to hurt, it just happens.
Thankful – b/c this friendship didn’t stick, it allowed time for some other amazing ones to form. I was so scared moving here b/c it took YEARS for me to form meaningful friendships with women that were around and near me where I used to live. Here, it seems like it happened instantly. God knew just what I needed and boy did he deliver.
Green- it’s my favorite color. It soothes me, makes me feel peaceful and alive.

So, what is in your folder?

I've got a sick one

My middle child has a stomach bug. She started getting sick at 1 am this morning and then every 30 to 45 minutes like clock work until almost noon today. Thankfully I was able to get some medicine in her to stop the vomiting but she’s still running a high fever with horrible stomach cramps. It’s been SUCH a long time since my kids have been sick and I guess since they are always well, it just makes me emotional to see her so weak and upset. We’ve been camped out together in my bed, she doesn’t want to be alone. Thankfully #1 has entertained and helped his younger sister today by playing a LONG game of Monopoly, helping design her a Star Wars costume, play sword fighting and teaching her some “Kung Fu” moves in the backyard. I love having 3 kids. They’re so awesome.

she's a cutie

This is my niece. I am crazy about her. She’s so precious and snuggly and cute. I just love her!

decorations

Well, it’s done. I really wasn’t certain I was going to like it, but I am very pleased. We bought the tree at Lowe’s but everything else is stuff we picked and collected. I even had time to carve a nativity set from fallen branches we found in our yard (HA! Just kidding!!!!) No, seriously I used my hot glue gun and some spray mount to keep my berries on the wreath from falling off and or course the lights on the mantle and tree are not “natural” but everything else is fresh.

I would like to take a moment to thank our local park for the pine cones, fresh pine sprigs and holly berries. Also, thank you to the little girl scout troop for allowing the me steal a few nandina berries from their bushes that surround their little scout house. Thanks to our relatives who allowed us to pick as many fruits from their trees that we could possibly fit in our car. Special thanks to my friend for allowing us to borrow her dehydrator. Last but not least, thanks to my kids and hubby for putting up with the mess of pine sprigs, smushed berries, the horrible stench of bleached pine cones baking in the oven and not putting up a fuss for taking Christmas decorating in a different direction this year.

Merry Christmas!

Day time

Night time

he's 9 part 1

Half way to 18. Half way to the point where he is old enough to vote, graduate from high school, move out of the house and get a place of his own, hopefully not BUT the fact that he is half way there – puts tears in this mama’s eyes!

So here’s the story. In early December of 1998, an at home pregnancy test confirmed what we had been hoping, dreaming and praying for. That following month my parents came in town for my birthday. They arrived early on a Friday to attend a doctors appointment where we would get to hear the baby’s heart beat. They were unsuccessful. Next they sent me down the hall to have an ultrasound. I had zero clue that anything was wrong. As I looked at the screen at a tiny blob that I knew was my baby, the doctor came in and placed his hand on my leg and said, “I am so sorry to tell you, you’ve lost your baby.” I was like is disbelief. The pain and heartache was one of the toughest things I have ever gone through. I wanted a baby so bad.

Two months later, I made reservations at a Bed and Breakfast, determined we’d move forward and try to conceive again. The place where we stayed was run by a Christian family. We were the only couple staying that weekend. The wife prepared us a meal one night and we got into a conversation about losing our baby and that we were hoping to get pregnant again soon. She held our hands that night and prayed for me to conceive. It was such a blessing to meet this godly woman and to have her pray over us gave me such a peace.

March rolled around and shortly after my man’s birthday I took a pregnancy test. It was negative. I was so disappointed. One week later, I began to have pain in my right side. I began to hurt so bad that my mother in-law had to pick me up from work and take me straight to a doctor. Their diagnosis was that I had a kidney stone but they wanted to take an x-ray to be sure. As I sat in the room waiting for the tech, they asked me if there was a chance I might be pregnant. I told them I was doubtful, but not a 100% sure. Well – BIG surprise, their little test slowly came up positive. Now I am so ecstatic, but then they tell me they think it’s a tubal pregnancy and send me straight to the emergency room at a near by hospital. I am like numb. Their I am admitted and they do the most uncomfortable and longest ultrasound I have EVER experienced. The lady performing it said she couldn’t tell me anything until a doctor met with me. She just kept looking and probing and looking and probing while I lay there just silently crying asking God why. Sometime later, which seemed like and eternity, we get the results. I am pregnant, it’s not tubal, but I have a very large ovarian cyst. I honestly didn’t know what to think. I was so relieved but so scared still at the same time.

Time went on and my pregnancy went on as normal. I felt amazing and secretly I was hoping for a girl. At 20 weeks we went in for a ultrasound. Amazingly my cyst had disappeared but of course the most exciting news was – IT’S a BOY. You would have never thought I wanted a girl b/c I never gave it another thought. I was like bouncing off the walls knowing it was a boy. I was showing the ultrasound picture to strangers in the elevator, delivery guys at work, just random people. In fact one lady who stopped by the office I worked at called me later to thank me making her day by sharing my joy of finding out I was having a boy. I was excited. I mean REALLY excited.

Ok – I didn’t realized I was going to go into all this. I am going to pause it here and call it He’s 9, part 1.

it's going to be different

So, here’s where I stand. I have all my citrus dried, I have pine cones drying in the oven that soaked in bleach all night (Note to self, don’t bother to bleach – it’s not worth the trouble) and I have made a wreath from leftover scraps of Frasier Fur tree branches. Oh, and we bought a small tree yesterday at Lowe’s which is up and half way cover in lights. The kids and I went to a local park and cut fresh red berries from bushes, collected pine cones and fresh green bunches of pine needles. I am almost ready to begin to decorate the tree. I am still not sure if it’s going to turn out as “pretty” as it looks in my head, but we’re pressing on and giving it a good try.

Here’s the fruit. Orange, grapefruit, tangerine, lime and lemon. (lime and lemons don’t dry so well, they get real brown and yucky looking)

going natural

I am going to try something a little different this year – our Christmas decorations are going to be very simple and natural. My friend uses dried citrus as decorations for her tree. Since we picked all that fruit in Florida and it was all free, I thought I would try it too. So, right now my house smells very fruity. I have borrow my friends dehydrator and I cut up several grapefruits, oranges, lemons and limes. I can’t wait to see how it all turns out!