a little long read on adoption

“So, when will you guys get your baby from China?” I hate this question. I hate answering it. My answer 3 years ago was two years, my answer last month … 2 years. Explaining this delay to myself is difficult so trying to explaining it to others can be discouraging. I am not always sure what to say and our agency has no clear satisfactory reasons either.

Well this week I was lead to read this post. It’s all so clear now what the real situation in China really is.

What does this mean for us? I am not sure. We can’t switch to special needs. My man has a contract job so our health insurance is on us. We cannot afford insurance that would be suitable to take on a special needs child. This could change within a year but there is no certainty. I feel a bit discouraged.

We’re praying.

praise God for answered prayers

This little miracle just blows my mind. Her recovery and progress is nothing short of a HUGE testimony of God’s goodness and grace. I am so thankful that she and her family live so close by. It’s so fun witnessing and celebrating her beautiful life.

She loves to tilt her head and say “Cheese”!

I remember so clearly thinking that we may never see her suck that thumb again. : )

she is recovering

My sweet friend’s baby is recovering remarkably well. Honestly it’s a miracle. If you had seen her two weeks ago, you would have doubted that she’d ever be the same EVER again.

She is still not walking or eating, BUT we know she is back. Her personality is back!!!! Praise GOD!

hope

The baby’s breathing tube was removed this morning and she is breathing fine on her own! She is even making eye contact with her mommy.

This is bringing the family a lot of hope.

Please continue to pray.

things are unclear

Everything else seems pointless and stupid when someone you love hurts so much and you know there is nothing you can do to stop the pain.

It’s been a tough day.

The baby’s heart is fine but now there is problems with the brain. She began to look like she was having seizures and just more blank stares. The doctors did a CT scan and they have hooked up an EEG machine to evaluate what is going on in her brain. What they can tell right now is that there is brain damage from when she went into cardiac arrest. The severity is unclear and will be unclear for maybe up to a week.

My friends desperately need your prayers.

she needs your prayers

Why did God move us back to my home town? We loved our old small town, why point us back to Atlanta? So many mixed emotions have swarmed me since we’ve moved.

I do remember the first week we moved in and one of my bestest friends, who lives directly behind us, called. I could tell she was crying and she exclaimed, “We got our referral! Our agency called and they have matched us to a little girl!” We were able to rush over and be the first to share in their happy tears and hug their necks. As we walked home I recognized the blessing to share in that event. Had we still lived a few hours away I would have missed that exact event. She would have called but there would be no hugs. I would have to wait for a picture by email and our whole family wouldn’t have been able to storm in and congratulate them.

Well now that baby girl is here in America. She came home in December. She turned two in January and last Friday she had heart surgery. They knew from the first moment they got her file this surgery would be necessary, but nothing could have prepared them the reality, dangers and complications of the procedure.

Saturday I received a call. It was my friend … sobbing. She asked that I come to the hospital immediately. Within 5 minutes I was on my way. When I reached her and her husband, they we sitting in an empty conference room. They looked spent. They explained that earlier that morning she was recovering beautifully but just before lunch the baby had aspirated/choked on some juice. That choking triggered her into cardiac arrest. She was with her while it all happened but they had been rushed out so that the doctors could take over. The doctors literally reopened her chest, massaged her heart and it showed some response. They immediately put her on an ECMO machine. This machine acts as your lungs and heart allowing the heart to have complete rest. Things were bad and my friend was obviously devastated. We sat in silence. There were no words for me to utter. Nothing I could say could even begin to relate to their pain and confusion. All I could do was to put my hand on her back and just pray silently as minute after minute ticked by. In those quiet moments it hit me, God moved us back for this. I saw things so clear and could see his hand working and moving so many times over the past several months. This was one of the main events he had been preparing me for. To sit beside my best friend as she faced one of her greatest fears … losing her child.

I am so thrilled to say that the baby is still alive. She came off the ECMO machine yesterday afternoon and her heart is beating beautifully. My friends though are still filled with fear. Fearful that the whole episode may repeat itself again. There are no guarantees. Her left ventricle and left lung are not at 100%. Her doctors are hopeful, but like I said there are no guarantees.

Our circumstances are many times things we would never ever chose. But as I lay down Saturday night, I asked God to speak to me. I opened His word. On that exact page was a verse underlined in purple ink.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest. Jeremiah 29:11-13

she's 2

One of my bestest friends just returned from China a few weeks ago with her baby girl. Today she turned 2.

They spent the afternoon with us. The kids just doted on her the whole time they were at our house. We made cupcakes and got lots of kisses from this precious baby girl.

She is a love! Giving kisses even to Macy!

blog slacker

I just can’t seem to make myself sit and blog lately. It’s something I need to do. The kids and I love looking through my archives to see what life was like for us two an three years ago. It’s amazing how many little details you forget and how wonderful it is to rediscover them by reading an old post.

This is what we’ve been up to:
We put our house up for sale. We’re not anxious to sell. We just want to see what will happen since the interest rates are super low. Our little town’s home values have not lowered during the recession so – we’ll see what happens. We need to start making plans by having another bedroom since we will be adding another kid- though it’s still probably two years away. (Don’t even ask! I know – it’s taking forever) I love my house being clean all the time BUT I am not loving keeping it clean all the time.

I had three photography jobs this weekend. It felt so good to shoot again. I am so not inspired during the winter. Ugly trees, my kids are pale, brown grass – I always feel more creative when it’s warm and sunny and I can shoot outside. I wish I had a basement where I could set up a little studio.

Let’s see, what else. OH, we’ve been studying ancient Egypt. While I was doing some research online I came across a site that gave directions on how to mummify a chicken. So, we bought a chicken at the grocery store, removed it’s innards, and packed in all down in ziplock bags filled with a mixture of baking soda and salt. This whole process will take at lest 60 to 72 days to complete. As we were scrubbing the chicken down and packing it full of salt, I began to think – WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING. I have to change of the dry mixture every 5 days for the first two weeks and then every 10 days toward the end. I am such a germ freak – I keep thinking every thing was contaminated and I was sliding all the stuff in bags and the kids wanted to touch, see, hold and sniff things. It’s a stresser knowing I have to repeat that process so often over the next two months. The kids are really excited about it though and the whole thing gives application to what they have been learning – SO – I will deal with it.

Other than that – nothing much has been going on. The kids are so into each other it’s just so beautiful to me how they love one another. Two days ago my middle child said this to me, “Mommy, it’s sad that you don’t have any brothers and sisters.” I replied, “Why?” She answered, “Because I really love my sister and brother. I love having them to play with.” What a blessing. That is always want I desired for my kids. Since I wasn’t able to have siblings, I wanted my children to be best friends. They are and I am so thankful for that.

I am still weeding through all my photos from this past weekend, but I will post this one. She’s a joy and I loved photographing her!

re-entry

The day after a vacation, is never a favorite.

Today I had to make a call to our adoption agency regarding some forms that are about to expire … long story – so fast forward to the end … and well … let’s just say I got real emotional. The whole thing was like another slap in the face about the WAIT. I know there is nothing anybody can personally do to speed things up and I know, believe me I honestly know it’s in God’s timing … but today … I am not fond of God’s timing regarding our adoption. Maybe tomorrow I will be again, but right now it completely sucks. I want another child so bad and even seeing other people with little ones is really hard. Tomorrow I am sure it will be better and I know I’ll have more of these types of days to face … and in the end when we have her in our arms … the wait will have all been worth it … but still the reality of my today is … I HATE THE WAIT!

While on vacation we got Macy’s “baby holding parts” removed even though #2 begged we let her have just one child. The heat came back and lasted over two weeks. I just couldn’t handle putting panty liner’s in my girls hello kitty underwear (the diapers are a rip off!) and hearing my kids constantly tell her, “Macy be still, we need to pull you panties up.” My one litter dream has been put aside and I have come to realize, puppies are just not worth dealing with your dog in heat.

Well, we’re about to head to our’s homeschool group’s afternoon at the park. Whoo-hoo!

baby

I am sitting at my desk, dog asleep in my lap, full of chili (which seems to be growing in my stomach) and I spot the cover of my new issue of Family Fun magazine. The cutest little Asian girl with a precious smile is like staring at me … I think … where is my girl. When will I get my baby? This wait is brutal. I don’t talk much about it b/c honestly it feels almost as if it is NEVER going to happen. So … that is it. The reasons are reasons and I don’t feel like talking about why the wait is so long. I am tried of trying to explain. It’s just taking a LONG time. Maybe in the next 2 or even 3 years, I’ll have my last baby.