Yesterday my plans for the day got completely redirected. Instead of yard work after school we ended up across the street at a neighbor’s dock fishing with borrowed poles and cut up raw chicken as bait. We didn’t catch a thing but we made some awesome memories.
Today we were supposed to do yard work and meet up with some friends at a local pool. My youngest got sick and due to a fever we were forced to stay home. We were all bummed. Then I remembered the following video. I called the kids together and we watched. Then the best day ever happened. We sat down, all 4 of us and crafted and created our little hearts out. We seriously only got up to eat lunch. When it was time for dinner we packed up the mess. #1 vacuumed all the scraps, fuzz and stuff and we then showed my man the fruits of our labor. He was so super impressed.
I loved today. I loved seeing my kids experiment. I loved seeing the excitement as they cheered and affirmed each others work. I loved how my #2 yelled out loud, “I’ve made 4 AWESOME pieces of ART!!!” I loved their pride and got teary eyed as they showed off their masterpieces to their dad. I even love that I sat down and let the dishes pile up, the laundry stay scattered on the floor and did art with my kids. : )
Sometimes we really don’t care what God thinks of us and our actions. It’s just like kids who disobey when they are out of your sight … thinking that they can avoid your looks of disappointment and reprimand if you aren’t present to see their misdeeds.
I ponder a lot about how and why I want my kids to obey my instruction. I am guilty of using emotion … my own emotions as a ploy for them to concede to the desires I have for them. I know this is wrong but it is a struggle. Yes their disobedience does drive a wedge in our relationship but what about when they are on their own or absent from me. What keeps them in the mindset of making the right choices? I don’t want them to fear my reaction later. What I truly desire is for their trust. I want them to trust me completely. I want my correction and discernment to resonate within them and they make choices believing I have counseled them to the best of my ability and that I want nothing but the best for them today, tomorrow and for the rest of their lives.
So, I think about when I go my own way and act independently from God. I am so not trusting him. I find myself heading towards compromise or feeling unsettled about situations that I am facing. What a joy and relief it is to stop and acknowledge, there is a God, who I trust. Who loves me beyond limits. Who wants me to obey out of that love and trust. In that trust I find wisdom and direction for today which leads to guidance for tomorrow which impacts my forever.
I wish there was some way to make time stand still … to linger long enough to ensure I never take certain moments for granted. To gaze into my kids eyes and soak every ounce of them up so that when memories get replaced and build on the past, I know for sure I won’t forget those little breath taking nuggets of time.
I am always asking my kids to just stop growing. I feel that to the best of my capabilities I am fully aware that these years with them all under one roof will fly by. The past ten have flown! I want to savor the laughter, the giggles, the mischievous looks, the silliness, the pouts and even their cries. I want it to be forever etched in my heart that each hug, each kiss, each squeeze is a precious privilege that I am so blessed to have.
My heart is full.
Here’s my first. My only boy. He gets me.
I love those summer freckles. I love those eyes. I love every little thing about him!
I love these two. I don’t know what I would do without them.
It’s so fun having girls. I love the way way they depend on each other. I love the way they play together. I love how they lay in a single twin bed some nights and read to one another. I even love reflecting back on some of their biggest fights. They can get so aggravated at each other and then it amazes me how fast they make up.
My favorite thing #2 has ever said about her younger sister was one night after they had a huge disagreement/shouting match. I had them both on the couch talking through how I wanted them to love one another. #2 started to cry. She said, “Mommy, it’s so sad you don’t have a sister. I need Sydney mommy, I really need her.” She was so sincere and her tears were so big, it just melted me that she felt such a strong connection to her sibling.
We were finishing up our science lesson outside when the girls climbed on the big pot and started to play. They were so super cute. I had to go and grab my camera. I love catching candid moments of my kids.
Isn’t she lovely? I just love watching my kids grow – inside and out. They are constantly amazing me and I love spending my days with them.
Girls are out again. With Ruby finally laying they are now allowed to have field trips around the yard. I love looking out the windows and seeing their bushy butts up in the air as they peck around the yard for grubs.
So, my friend Carlos – who’s blog I don’t normally read – wrote this post today. I copied and pasted it b/c they are words I just don’t ever want to forget. They are the words that I have been unable to form that express the many things I have been pondering in my heart. Thanks Los.
“My wife and I have thought about adopting for a while.”
“I’ve always wanted to write a book.”
“I think I might ask her out.”
“Yea, next time I go to a show I’ll sponsor a Compassion child.”
“You know, I’m gonna finally tell my boss to chill out and treat us with respect.”
“Dude! The church I’m planting is going to feed the homeless every Saturday morning.”
“That’s it. I’m seriously going to drop everything and become a photographer.”
These are just a few of the lines I remember from conversations I have been part of or overheard (yes, I’m a stalker) the past few weeks.
Dreams are fuel.
They fuel us to victory.
But most of the time they stay just that.
Dreams.
I lived most of my life “about” to do something.
Then one day Heather and I decided to stop living almost and start living all out.
Since that decision we have adopted our son Losiah, climbed the highest peak in North America, Jumped out of airplanes, been on a reality show, moved across the country, quit my job, signed a record deal, traveled to Uganda, co lived with 3 families, and so much more.
I honestly don’t share that to brag.
It might sound miserable to most of you.
We have had our share of suck.
If you read our blogs you know.
But we also realized that the American dream of white picket fences and a 9-5 isn’t our shtick.
And here is the harder truth.
It isn’t a lot of yours either.
You are living in the myth that stability = simply and safely existing.
Those statements up top usually end a few months later with financial, lack of time, fear, and man power excuses.
Here’s the truth.
There will NEVER be enough money, time, or help.
Heather and I spend at least one night a week looking at the checking account and crying then laughing then crying.
I could get a job at a church and play it safe.
That would not be a bad decision.
It would be a great decision.
It just would not be the RIGHT decision, right now.
Because right now God has called me to pour into the global church and when that season is over, it would be a blessing to work in the local church again.
Just not now.
And so we pray, fast, hustle, laugh, and cry.
And inside all of that, we live.
I’m willing to bet a lot of you are ready for an adventure.
So what is it?
What are you going to do this week to take that one step away from safety and towards calling?
Los
Tonight as I was kissing the kids good night my #2 looked up at me and said, “Mommy, please stay.” I responded, “Baby, Mommy is exhausted. I think I am going straight to bed.” She replied, “Then stay and sleep right here with me.” It hit me right then, we have been so busy lately and I’ve been so worn out each night that I haven’t taken the time to hold my kids – like REALLY hold them. So I took her up on her offer and climbed in. She glued herself to me and I just melted. I lingered for a long long LONG time. Later as I walked through the house I knew I needed to head to my #1’s room. He was still awake so I climbed in and we talked and snuggled for a while. It was amazing. As he was falling asleep I heard my #3 up in her bunk playing. I knew she had a lot of sugar today and she was having a hard time winding down. I climbed up and got under her covers. We whispered little conversations – mainly her talking – and then as she began to settle in and actually try and be still, she whispered, “Mommy, are you happy?” I smiled and said, “VERY.” She whispered back, “ME TOO!”
As I held her til she went to sleep I reflected back on holding each child. My heart was just exploding with love for them. As I kissed her sweet face one last time, I thought, “There is no conceivable way for them to know just how much I am madly in love with them.” Immediately a smile spread across my face as my heart pounded even more knowing that must be how God feels towards me.
Turning in early Monday night, I passed by our bookshelf. I stopped to try and find some kind of leisure reading that would help me unwind. It had been a LONG day. The kids and I were like oil and water that night and I felt mentally exhausted. I see this tiny little book – one I haven’t look at in SO long – my first pregnancy journal. I climbed in the bed and propped myself up. Just as I was about to open it I thought maybe I should call #1 in and read this to him. I honestly did not feel like spending any more time with any of my kids that day, but I called to him. He was awake and immediately came and snuggled right up to me. As I read each page to him, huge tears streamed down my face. I looked down at him and his eyes met mine. He never knew I had this journal and he was glowing.
It was so special to relive those moments of my first pregnancy with the kid I wrote every word for. When I think of how I loved my child so incredibly much – before he ever took his first breath or even knew his own name – it makes me grateful for how God first loved us. We did NOTHING to earn or persuade him to love us. It’s all so beautiful. I am so thankful for the precious gift of each one of my kids. Loving them has truly helped me understand just how great and HUGE and deep God’s love for me.
I just can’t seem to make myself sit and blog lately. It’s something I need to do. The kids and I love looking through my archives to see what life was like for us two an three years ago. It’s amazing how many little details you forget and how wonderful it is to rediscover them by reading an old post.
This is what we’ve been up to:
We put our house up for sale. We’re not anxious to sell. We just want to see what will happen since the interest rates are super low. Our little town’s home values have not lowered during the recession so – we’ll see what happens. We need to start making plans by having another bedroom since we will be adding another kid- though it’s still probably two years away. (Don’t even ask! I know – it’s taking forever) I love my house being clean all the time BUT I am not loving keeping it clean all the time.
I had three photography jobs this weekend. It felt so good to shoot again. I am so not inspired during the winter. Ugly trees, my kids are pale, brown grass – I always feel more creative when it’s warm and sunny and I can shoot outside. I wish I had a basement where I could set up a little studio.
Let’s see, what else. OH, we’ve been studying ancient Egypt. While I was doing some research online I came across a site that gave directions on how to mummify a chicken. So, we bought a chicken at the grocery store, removed it’s innards, and packed in all down in ziplock bags filled with a mixture of baking soda and salt. This whole process will take at lest 60 to 72 days to complete. As we were scrubbing the chicken down and packing it full of salt, I began to think – WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING. I have to change of the dry mixture every 5 days for the first two weeks and then every 10 days toward the end. I am such a germ freak – I keep thinking every thing was contaminated and I was sliding all the stuff in bags and the kids wanted to touch, see, hold and sniff things. It’s a stresser knowing I have to repeat that process so often over the next two months. The kids are really excited about it though and the whole thing gives application to what they have been learning – SO – I will deal with it.
Other than that – nothing much has been going on. The kids are so into each other it’s just so beautiful to me how they love one another. Two days ago my middle child said this to me, “Mommy, it’s sad that you don’t have any brothers and sisters.” I replied, “Why?” She answered, “Because I really love my sister and brother. I love having them to play with.” What a blessing. That is always want I desired for my kids. Since I wasn’t able to have siblings, I wanted my children to be best friends. They are and I am so thankful for that.
I am still weeding through all my photos from this past weekend, but I will post this one. She’s a joy and I loved photographing her!
As I went to tuck in my middle child tonight, this is how I found her – laying in her bed and “relaxing” (that is what she called it) by staring at the Play Mobil manger scene. She then proceeded to tell me …
Mommy, sometimes I get right beside it and pray. I thank God for (she list all our close family members). I thank Him for my Christmas play that I am in. I thank him for making me a good singer. I thank him for everything.
I snuggled up close to her and closed my eyes. She rubbed her soft cheeks on mine and whispered “I am so glad God made me.”
Precious. How delighted is He that she loves herself and is so thankful to Him for all that He has blessed her with. How precious it is that she finds such joy staring at the plastic baby Jesus. How beautiful it is God humbled himself to come in human form to save us from our “bad choices” (that’s what we can sin in our house).
This is my best friend. She is closer to me than any sister ever could be. She’ll be my best friend until the day I die. Over the past 15 years we’ve shared laughs, tears, smiles, hugs, secrets, classes, long walks, pranks, food, gossip, dances, clothes, vacations, wild excursions, friends, advice, living spaces, shoes, arguments, bible studies, weddings, sobs, puke, births, kids … I could go on and on. When you’ve done life for so long with someone and your friendship has endured more junk than any normal friendship could or would ever weather through – spending time together with that friend is like putting on your favorite super soft T-shirt, snuggling up under your favorite cozy blanket while drinking the most amazing cup of coffee. That is what I got to do this weekend, I got to spend time with my favorite friend.
Bonus: our hubbies … they are tight and our kids … yeah, they love each other too!
Her youngest … he gives out some of the sweetest kisses
The middle – he is the funniest kid you’ll ever meet. I can’t help but have a huge grin just thinking of him.
The oldest – Miss Independent. She and my oldest girl are only 2 months apart in age.
This is my best friend. She is closer to me than any sister ever could be. She’ll be my best friend until the day I die. Over the past 15 years we’ve shared laughs, tears, smiles, hugs, secrets, classes, long walks, pranks, food, gossip, dances, clothes, vacations, wild excursions, friends, advice, living spaces, shoes, arguments, bible studies, weddings, sobs, puke, births, kids … I could go on and on. When you’ve done life for so long with someone and your friendship has endured more junk than any normal friendship could or would ever weather through – spending time together with that friend is like putting on your favorite super soft T-shirt, snuggling up under your favorite cozy blanket while drinking the most amazing cup of coffee. That is what I got to do this weekend, I got to spend time with my favorite friend.
