thoughts on obedience

Sometimes we really don’t care what God thinks of us and our actions. It’s just like kids who disobey when they are out of your sight … thinking that they can avoid your looks of disappointment and reprimand if you aren’t present to see their misdeeds.

I ponder a lot about how and why I want my kids to obey my instruction. I am guilty of using emotion … my own emotions as a ploy for them to concede to the desires I have for them. I know this is wrong but it is a struggle. Yes their disobedience does drive a wedge in our relationship but what about when they are on their own or absent from me. What keeps them in the mindset of making the right choices? I don’t want them to fear my reaction later. What I truly desire is for their trust. I want them to trust me completely. I want my correction and discernment to resonate within them and they make choices believing I have counseled them to the best of my ability and that I want nothing but the best for them today, tomorrow and for the rest of their lives.

So, I think about when I go my own way and act independently from God. I am so not trusting him. I find myself heading towards compromise or feeling unsettled about situations that I am facing. What a joy and relief it is to stop and acknowledge, there is a God, who I trust. Who loves me beyond limits. Who wants me to obey out of that love and trust. In that trust I find wisdom and direction for today which leads to guidance for tomorrow which impacts my forever.

I need to shoot

Have I lost it? Was it just luck? Was it just a little hobby and I will never be good enough to make it anything more?

I wonder this all the time lately.

I want to do more photography. I want to start tomato seeds. I want to paint that huge blah cabinet sitting in our living room. I want to sew some aprons. Start my own book. I want to cook everything from scratch and have it all be organic. I want to research and prepare amazingly well everyday and be the best homeschooling mom ever. I want to get up and run 3 miles everyday and then do 50 push ups and 100 sit ups and be in the best shape EVER.

ha … ha ha Ha HA! (seriously laughing at myself)

I will shoot more soon. Spring always inspires me.

I will garden this year, but starting seeds early isn’t going to happen.

My kids are learning. We are having fun. Keep being consistent and always try to be more disciplined.

As for the other stuff, I must remember … to everything there is a season. I can’t do it all and be it all at the same time.

my lack of blogging

I feel this pressure to blog. It’s all put on me by me and no one else. I want to keep this thing going to document life, especially for the kids, but I just can’t make myself do it. I want to journal and expose my heart on record but I am just not at a place where I feel I can do it on the world wide web. I used to have zero problem with that, but lately I am just more guarded. Nothing has happened that scared me away … I think it’s just a season. Sure I could pick up a paper journal and solve the problem just that easily. I just don’t want to. These pages are my life. This is where I want all those thoughts to rest. So, for a while. I will produce some generic posts. I hate just surface topics … but for now that is all I can give.

scoop

scoop in the coop … still only ONE egg. I caved. They’ve been out wandering a few times.

I had this schedule going, a chore list, a menu and all kinds of organized lists (3 pages of them! I know, it’s just SO not me!) … well it’s gone kinda haywire BUT I am determined to get it back.

Today – I had the most revolting, nastiest, grossest experiences EVER. My man and I stopped by to check on a friend’s cabin. Well, who knew but the frig went out weeks ago. So the freezer that was full of meat, ummm, let’s just say it was a fly and maggot paradise and our worst nightmare. Bottom line – I can never be forensic science investigator. Now I know. I can mark that off the “what I want to be once I finished schooling my kids” list.

House – the septic tank got pumped this weekend. We had a bird’s eye view of the whole event from our bedroom window. We opened the window to take a quick pic but then quickly shut it to save us from the smell. The whole experience I am sure will inspire us to do a unit study on waste water sometime next week.

#3 lost another tooth. She’s got the classic “All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth” look AND speech down.

#2 is my biggest helper around the house right now. She delights in it. : )

#1 is still missing his friends a lot.

The man – he’s still the most amazing thing ever. He’s working from home now so we’re like together 24/7. I LOVE it. Now that I said that watch us get in the hugest fight ever tomorrow ; ) ha ha (um, hopefully not!)

Me – Lot’s of deep stuff churning inside of me that I can’t seem to really express. It’s good though. Real good.

OK, here’s some photos.

#3 wanted to take a photo of “she and me”.
The thirty “somethings” are creeping up all over my face!

Baby Sam, he’s a year old now!

Weekend update

Friday:
Got a visit from a friend who lives in C-town. WHOO HOO! We ALL loved every second of our time with them. OH, Games – our rooster – who has NEVER crowed before – gave 3 shout outs while she was here. Rena – stay away from my chickens!!
HUGE news! One of my best friends got a referral for her China Baby! We got to go over and share in the excitement. I just hugged her and cried. I am so so SO happy for her! I love that we now live so close and that I can really share in this whole experience.

Saturday:
Go Dawgs – well uh – they lost : (
Chris and Brooks came to watch the game! YIPPEEEE! Thankfully we got to do some shopping. Nothing exciting – just groceries and necessities but I sure do love spending time with my Chris.
My #2 was proposed to by their youngest, Banks. He’s 3! Precious.
My #3’s smile was forever changed – she lost a tooth – one in the front.

Sunday:
Made homemade spaghetti.
Took pics of my cousin’s baby – Sam – who is just absolutely adorable.
I have been kinda blue today. My man is about to head out for a week. I physically feel sad. It’s part him leaving and me missing friends. It will pass I know.

don't close the door

A tad bit more insight about myself …

At our new place, when I go out the front door I never close it shut all the way unless we are getting in the car to head somewhere. I also have noticed I don’t like to close the cabinet doors all the way. I often even leave them wide open.

Yesterday as I was heading out to give the chicks a treat and I didn’t close the door all the way. I stopped and made myself back up and close it tight. I realized once I heard the sound of the door completely shut I didn’t like it. So it made me ponder why don’t I like the door shut – all the way closed? It dawned on me. I don’t like things to come to an end. I rarely feel like a project is ever completely over. I don’t like to leave somewhere where I feel relaxed and comfortable but yet I do like to try new things while keeping the safe and comfortable options still open.

So, if you come by and you see something open … don’t close it for me, it’s the way I like it!

:)

first post from the new place

How do I start this thing up again?

Let’s see. We are here. In a new space but with very old surroundings. Mixed emotion.

I am not sure if I want to take the time to document what all has been going on for the past two months.
How about I put it in a few short words: Rest, nature, prayer, hand washed dishes, my first egg, worry, love, started and finished several books, lots of togetherness which was VERY good! Everyone got along without TV, the Wii and computers.

I am thankful. I am blessed. I love many deeply and I know that I am loved as well. My heart’s desire is to be in the middle of what God is doing. Here, there … anywhere.

long break

I am sitting here typing in an empty house. All that is left is my desk and computer and of course one load of misc. junk that seems to linger. Mom and dad have been here saving our butts by working their fannies off to help us complete this move. The kids are with Eric’s parents having the time of their life in Florida for the next few days and I am rejoicing that I see the finish line just one day away.

For two months we’re taking a break. No internet. No TV. No Wii. I can check email with my phone but other than that I am cutting myself off from the other distractions for awhile.

Be back soon ….

a coke and a smile

I am craving a coke. Like super duper REALLY bad. It’s been over a week since I have had one. The past two days I can’t stop thinking of how heavenly a 32 oz. cherry coke fountain drink over tiny pellet ice would taste.

I am not giving in.

what?

My forgetfulness is at an all time high. I am typically one of those people who loses their keys, phone and purse quite often. Lately it’s been other things that completely slip my mind – dangerous ones. Yesterday I left the oven on like all day. I kept forgetting to turn it off. (It’s a gas oven and it can really heat up the kitchen!) This morning I fixed my scrambled eggs, slid them on my plate, stuck the pan in the sink. 30 minutes later, I walked by stove and the burner was still ON! Gas burner just a flaming! I mean if it was just the first time I have ever done that then, well you know – no big deal, just thankful no damage was done. NO, that is the fourth time THIS week I have done that.

If I am this forgetful and scattered now, what will I be like when I am 70?